Writing to reach you
The stairs objective was good for me this week. That is not to say it did not take me a while to come around. In fact, it took me a good three or four days, but I realized something amazing in that time. It should have been obvious, so obvious. But it wasn’t. Not until I realized the steps were getting easier to climb.
It turns out I have been the greatest barrier to becoming more active. Not my health, not my age, not any excuses such as these. Just me and my irrational fear of every damn thing.
At some point in my life I must have decided I am not the kind of person who can be that public. Probably because I have always thought I am fat. Always. And probably because I am always ashamed of the person I am in pictures: that girl who wants to remember everyone else having a good time without knowing she probably spent the entire night hiding behind throw pillows on the couch.
I don’t identify with people who live their lives without compartmentalizing experiences as if they are preparing for some sort of Facebook slide show. I’m not talking jocks or mean girls, I’m talking normal people who walk/jog/dance/run/ride bikes/camp/hike/go on adventures without somehow consciously removing themselves from the shot.
Well, who cares if I don’t walk or dance perfectly? I think the only one who cares about that stuff is me, and I’m not even sure if I care anymore. I will tell you this: I care enough to try walking or dancing. I care enough to start living my life regardless of the dreaded possibility of being tagged on Facebook. That sounds ludicrous, I know, but it used to be the other way around.
Tuesday I climbed 933 stairs at work. Then I went home and walked four miles to game night. It was so rewarding! I felt so good, I was a serious badass!
Why did I ever think I couldn’t do this? I can be an active person just like anybody else. All it takes is a step any direction and more steps will follow. One foot in front of the other, and soon enough I’ll just learn to walk around that person who used to get in my way.
